Trying To Find Me

“Keep trying….you’re in here somewhere.” This seems to be my daily mantra. Before the babies obviously I had a lot of free time. I would paint my nails, find things to fill up my planner, walk around Target aimlessly (and buy too much crap I didn’t need), and watch WAYYYYY too many episodes of Keeping Up With The Karkrapians to the point where I ALMOST feel sympathy for them.

Lately I’ve been struggling (which is why I’m hit or miss on the blogging ordeal) with my postpartum depression. It’s been attacking me when I need to function the most. My poor boys don’t get the attention they need and I don’t have the patience. I find myself just staring at them or into space when it would be more beneficial that I actually talk to them or play with them. Rather than just sitting next to them on the floor and leaving them to entertain themselves.

I’ve changed my meds a couple times. Changed the amount I take but it feels as if its getting worse and worse. I can only increase it so much. Know what I mean? I’m scared that I’ll be medicated for the rest of my life. Seems to be a theme in my family with women and PPD.

Anywho, I suppose this is my apology that I haven’t been blogging as much as I was hoping to. I’m going to try my best to get back in to it. It’s therapeutic actually so it would be smart for me to continue. It’s just so hard sometimes to pick myself up enough to get on it. Anyone else struggle with this? The boys are 9.5 months now. Can we not just get on with life and not have these issue. Pregnancy is incredibly difficult…and then the post-pregnancy is just as hard if not harder. Throw me a bone here!!

Time to stop the drinking for a bit, me thinks! Maybe that’s only making matters worse! A glass here, a glass there. It all adds up!

But I’ll still cheers to you!

Cheers! xoxoxo